am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
That accounts for only three of the penises
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
