I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
