I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
