Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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