Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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