So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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