Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
