drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
