There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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