Semen is not good for contacts.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
