I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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