Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There's always time for handjobs
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
