Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
