Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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