The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
