Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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