but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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