Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
smell my finger.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
