I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
