ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize