maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
