Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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