I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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