I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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