Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
