My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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