you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
