the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
