I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
