I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
All the doctor said was why
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
