He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
