Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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