she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
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