i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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