Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm going to jail i love you
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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