Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
