I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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