The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
