Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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