Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize