too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
