After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
