You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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