It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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