He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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