A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
