just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
