apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
