It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
