Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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