You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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