I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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