I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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