3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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