His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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