I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
