would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize