she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
