Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize