You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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