Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
