we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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