mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
