Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize