Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
