Ambien. No doubt about it.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
