Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
