Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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