You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
