great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
