Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
