Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
