I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
