i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
