Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
