The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
