You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
