I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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