so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize