i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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