I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
