Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
