Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
