Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
