I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
