He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
