Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize