i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
