I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
