i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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