so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
