He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
