did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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