I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
