did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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