I feel great
I just peed on a car
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
