Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
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